A lot of texts, emails, messages, carrier pigeons, and calls asking me how I am feeling these days and what is going on with my cancer. I know I have been pretty quiet on letting Team We know what is up; but quite frankly it’s been a pretty boring six weeks cancer-wise. My oncologist even called me boring a couple weeks ago (this is an extremely amazing compliment considering what I am dealing with, my disease is the exact opposite of boring). I don’t have a true cancer update right now as everything is stable. I will get scanned again middle of September and hopefully pass on more good, boring news to you.

As far as how I feel, there is a long list of emotions that I feel pretty much every day. Scared, loved, confused, worn out, hopeless, hopeful, confident, drained, energetic, proud, etc....the list could go on and on. If there is an emotion out there I feel it.

The best, and most common, emotion I have felt the past couple weeks is the feeling of being ALIVE. Not in sense that I’m upright and breathing (that is a awesome as well), but ALIVE in the sense I have a desire to feel well, want to be active, live/love life, love my family and friends, and not let cancer hang over me.

BEING alive means we are beating cancer. FEELING alive means we are kicking cancer in the nuts.

Last week was the best I have felt since February. Alive and ready to find some normalcy from my previous life. On a whim I made the decision I was going to ride my bike up Mt. Mitchell; something that would not be a big deal for me nine months ago. But for the current situation it was quite the undertaking. I woke up Tuesday, hopped in the car and headed west. Bikes and mountains heal the soul, something no cancer treatment can ever do. Riding up gravel roads and riding on the parkway, the smell of rhododendron, descending at 45mph, the mountain views, the assholes honking at me and telling me to get off the road...I had not felt this alive in nine months. It was just what I needed. I stuck around Wednesday and got in a proper 30 miles in Pisgah slop, it was fantastic.

The mountains energized me, left me itching like I missed the five o’clock free crack give away. I decided no matter how tired I got, I was going to finish the week off by riding a total of 200 miles for the week. Just to prove to cancer it can’t control every aspect of my life. Lucky for me Wilmington roads are flat. I took a day off on Thursday, but was out on the bike Friday to Sunday putting in the miles. I must say I definitely felt alive yesterday when I ended my ride, but I mainly felt tired. Tired in a good way. The tired that lets you know you did something right. WE beat cancer this week with a freaking bicycle. Remember what Stu said, “you beat cancer by how live” and WE lived it up last week.

Tomorrow is chemo and follow up tests on neck infection. So that alive feeling may escape me a little and some of those other emotions may creep in, but I will always be day dreaming about the next chance to feel alive again.

Keep fighting, we have a long way to go.

Find a way to feel ALIVE everyday.

And wear the damn mask you dicknoser!