It’s All About You
That's right, this update is about YOU. Team Ben, Team We, Team #fightforben. So sit tight; grab a beer or a quarantini, a tissue, and get ready to give yourself a pat on the back. I'm here to talk about you, and maybe a little bit of me just so you know what is going on.
Let's talk about me for just a minute. I have finished two rounds of Chemo at UNC; I received my most recent infusion yesterday. Ann and I take a day trip to UNC every two weeks to get the infusions, and are normally home by dinner the day of the infusion. I feel fine the day of and the day after infusion; but after 48 hours the side effects kick in as the body begins to react to the drugs. The best way to describe what chemo feels like is a bad flu with nausea, restless muscles, and rash added in. This lasted for about two days then began to go away. By Saturday I was starting to feel better; by Tuesday (one week after infusion) I was back to "new normal." During my off week I'm helping with home school, cooking meals, and able to exercise for an hour or two on the bike. Naps and hydration are must. Would I go through this voluntarily? Hell no. Could it be worse. Absolutely. But, I'm finding a way to manage it the best of my ability and make the best out of a shitty situation.
I head back for infusion #3 on May 12; we are going to let the body react to that one and then do a full body scan to see what the disease is up to. So my next update will be when I have those results. We are aiming for sinus and lung tumor shrinkage!
Now why we are here: YOU.
Let me brag on you for a minute. The outpouring of cards, gifts, food, emails, texts, calls, visits, shirt purchases, sticker rocking, and good vibes has been extremely humbling. We are running out of room for cards, and our cleaning lady was having a fun time reading them (Ann told her I had cancer as we had to leave for the day to go to UNC, and her response was "Yes I know, I have read all of your cards).
I know everyday when I wake up I will have a message on some sort of social media platform from one of you. Whether it is asking me how I feel or positive vibe or glimmer of hope, they are always there. These little nuggets of joy get me through the day. Let me tell you, this shit isn't a walk in the park. Having all of you behind me gets me through the downs, helps cool my head, and pushes me to keep fighting. You may not know it, but even the smallest of gestures feel like you have moved mountains to help me push through.
I must admit, some of YOU have been very moved by my situation. Some of you have opened your hearts so wide, it has left me speechless. Your kindness and generosity has not gone unnoticed; I just don't know how to respond to it.
But today that has changed.
Today I made a decision to honor all of YOU. To honor what you have done for me. What you have selflessly given to this fight. It is time for WE to be noticed, to let others know WE care about not only #fightforBen, but we want to help this fucking disease be cured long term.
Today I donated $1,000 in honor of #fightforBen to the The V Foundation; whose mission is to achieve victory over cancer. While we all know I'm not a NCSU fan by any means, Jimmy V was a hell of man, and put up a hell of a fight against cancer. And his ESPY speech is a tear jerker for sure; grab a tissue and find it on YouTube.
The big take away from the speech for me, and why I donated to The V Foundation, is the following excerpt: "I need your help. We need your help. We need money for research. It may not save my life. It may save my children's life. It may save someone you love."
Cancer is going to keep fucking people's lives up until we can find a long-term cure. I have been through the emotions of being diagnosed and told what my options are. I can only image how many other people are being told that TODAY or tomorrow or next week; and how their lives will spin out of control. It's time to find a way to put an end to that emotion. I'm here to fight my own fight, but I'm also here to help those whose fight has not started yet. And because of YOU and YOUR generosity I have been able to donate to an organization that will hopefully help all of the future cancer patients in the world.
Thank you doesn't seem like a big enough word of gratitude I have for YOU all. But I give thanks every single day.
Keep fighting. Keep digging deep. Keep the vibe alive.
Most importantly, keep being the fucking rockstars YOU all are.
With love, Ben.
