A quick Google search for the etymology of the term “pain in the ass” returns the following:  a source of annoyance, a nuisance; with the expression first being used around 1900.  Since we are having an English lesson let’s use it in a sentence.  “Karen was a real pain in the ass with her constant Facebook posts about how Covid is fake.”  English lesson over, let’s keep the good times rolling.

I know we all have plenty of things in our lives that are pains in the ass.  The Brown family has recently added one to the mix: Jasper.  He has been an amazing addition – unconditional love for all of us, comedic relief when we need it the most, a source of entertainment for Mello and Piper – but the constant peeing and pooping and early mornings are a pain in the ass! Love that little guy to death, but cut us some slack buddy.

More recently a new pain in the ass has formed in my life; literally, a pain in the ass.  Over the course of the past two weeks a pain formed at the top of glutes that became progressively worse to the point I had to be on a steady diet of pain killers around the clock. I have a fairly high pain threshold to a fault; I often play down how much pain I am in and do not effectively communicate with Ann or Dr. Weiss on truly how much suffering is happening.  There have been many discussions between the three of us on getting me to be more straight forward on what level of pain I am truly experiencing.  I don’t know why I feel the need to hide the pain or suffer through it; I guess it’s the endurance cyclist in me.  We train to fight through the pain, push through and hope we bust down walls and come out on the other side pain free with our goals still intact.  I have used this tactic fighting cancer the past year and a half and it has worked to a degree; but I have found out recently it no longer works with my current treatment and current cancer diagnosis.  I had to throw in the towel and call Dr. Weiss on a holiday weekend and look for answers to get this pain in my ass to go away!

The discussion led to a change in medication to better meet my needs (since I was properly communicating) and what could possibly be causing the pain – a tumor, a cracked bone, a nerve.  A decision was made that we need to take an internal look inside and a CT scan was scheduled. I made the trip up to Chapel Hill on Wednesday for the radiology team to take a look at my lungs, abdomen, and coccyx for a comprehensive review of my disease and ass pain.

The results? No ass cancer, thank goodness.  I don’t have to fight Kramer for the coveted “ASSMAN” license plate to sport on the 4runner (if you are not in the know check out the Seinfeld episode titled “The Fusilli Jerry,” be prepared to laugh, a lot).  No cracked bone.  No abundantly clear nerve damage.  The pain in the ass remains a mystery.  It could be an old injury that chemo is inflaming.  Or it could be a very small tumor not seen by the CT, or a very small crack.  The next step is to get an MRI on the area which will provide a much more detailed look at the soft tissue and bone.  Until then, I have to be diligent with my pain management and communication with my team about my needs.  Quite frankly, the pain is a major pain in the ass and affects my day-to-day living.  A lot of time on the couch, a lot of time napping, and a lot of time drifting off into daydreams. Not the way I am accustomed to fighting cancer.

Also, this trip to Chapel Hill allowed the team to take a look at my lungs – the area that has been the biggest “pain in the ass” getting under control.  If you remember from the last update, we had shrinkage across the board on all tumors on 7/27/21 and were moving forward with two more treatments of chemo. With those two treatments in the books, this CT was perfectly timed to look at their effectiveness.  This CT revealed that all of the tumors have stabilized, which Dr. Weiss considers a win.  Unfortunately, no more shrinkage, but no growth; so we are excited about that.

With the shrinkage stalling, and the high toxicity of the current chemo regiment, the decision has been made to pull me off of chemo for the time being.  The risks of continuing the treatment outweigh any unlikely future reward.  My body is getting its ass kicked by the chemo and I need some time to recover.  The mysterious pain in my ass is a sign of this.  Not to mention a bevy other side effects that are hampering my life.

So where do we go from here? Its back to UNC on Tuesday for another CT scan of my sinuses to make sure they are still in good shape, then a brainstorming session with Dr. Weiss.  Adam is flying in on Monday and we will make the trek up to Chapel Hill for a man-date Monday night, then hit the hospital first thing Tuesday morning for our cancer think-tank session.  The plan will likely involve some sort of non-chemo targeted therapy or “off label” drug – meaning a drug not originally designed to fight cancer but has had success in certain settings fighting the disease. There is always an option to return to an alternative chemo treatment down the road, but for now my body needs a rest.

If there has ever been a time to Feel The Thunder, that time is now. I need all of you to come together as one and send a big lightning bolt of love and mojo our way.  Make it rock the ground and shake the house! While the situation is not dire, it is time to take a serious look at what direction my treatment and life goals are headed in.  There will be a high focus on quality of life and making sure the pain can be managed while trying to achieve more shrinkage.

Cancer is truly is a pain in the ass, as are many things in our lives.  But I think with the right approach and plan we can find a way to manage the pain…we don’t have to be The ASSMAN.

Much love to you all, and whatever you do this weekend make sure you bring The Thunder.

Ben